What’s Shakin’?

I’ve figured out a way to avoid the lines at Shake Shack, don’t go. I’m not a food critic, nor a foodie in the least bit, but sometimes I buy into the hype of a casual dining restaurant that I have to go and see what the fuss is all about. After pressure from my children, seeing massive amounts of people waiting in line (some for over an hour), reading reviews and getting opinions I trekked on down to the Shake Shack on E. 86th St. Early.

We got there about 10 minutes before they opened and we were 3rd in line, hmmm. Within five minutes the line was ½ way down the block. If there is one thing that I hate more than anything else in the world it’s waiting in line. I go to Disney in February and will freeze my ass off just to avoid the lines.

I perused the menu in the window and ask the kids what they would like to have, as suspected a cheeseburger and a shake. My son who’s 8 and built like a toothpick says he wants the double and a strawberry shake. My daughter decides on the single with a strawberry shake, me I want the Shack Burger (Cheese, Tomato, Lettuce and Shack Sauce, of which I have no idea what that is, but when in Rome), fries and a Black & White Shake.

“How’s it shakin’?” asks the smiling happy twentysomething behind the counter. It takes all of my might not to dole out a snide/sarcastic remark, so I respond, “It’s shakin’”. What the hell does that even mean? I’m not epileptic and do not dance. I place my order and give them my name and in return I get a vibrating pager. We find a table and sit down to wait, the kids are giddy with anticipation, and I’m looking at the line grow and grow, “this better be a great burger” is the mantra going through my head. Still waiting…..

The pager is finally shaking and I go the the shack, pick up a giant heavy duty aluminum tray, 3 shakes, 3 burgers and an order of fries, the tray looks practically empty. The burgers are wrapped up ½ way with wax paper and the shakes are in short, wide paper cups with lids and the fries lay in a paper basket (I seriously hope they do some heavy recycling here). I peel back some of the wax paper and take my 1st bite of my Shack Burger……..trying to find the ooh la la that has people gaga over this simple concoction. Nothing. To be fair, the meat is fresh, the bun is doughy and acts as a sponge for the greasy patty. The cheese is melted and the tomato is not too thick. But is it the best burger I’ve ever had, no. Would I wait in line for more than 5 minutes for this burger, no.

The black and white shake was good. The texture was smooth, it wasn’t overly ice-creamy though, not too sweet and lacked that old time hand dipped taste, it was more like a smoothie. I like my shakes thick enough to take my breath away. This didn’t make me gasp for air or even make me do a reverse Louis Armstrong. Did it warrant the $5.25 price, what do you think?

The French Fries were a thick crinkle cut and a bit too crispy for my taste. I like fresh hand cut fried to perfection potatoes. I like to taste the potato not the crunchy wrinkle. In my opinion they tasted frozen and the ketchup didn’t help the taste. $2.75 down the drain.

Shake Shack is much better than most fast food chains (insert the usual suspects here) but by no means does it warrant the wait. Don’t believe the hype.

The Chicago Way – Part 2, Hot dogs

Some of the most famous attractions in the world are in Chicago, The Sears Tower, The Navy Pier, The Field Museum, Soldier Field, Wrigley Field, Deep Dish Pizza and last but not least, The Chicago Dog. This is unlike anything I have ever experienced, ever. I’m a New Yorker and to me the only condiments that should go on a hot dog are mustard (spicy brown), sauerkraut and/or onion sauce. That’s it. Go to the most famous Hot Dog stand in the world (in my NY opinion), Grays Papaya and ask them for a hot dog with the following: Mustard, Pickle Wedge, Tomato Slices, Onions, Bright Green Relish, Celery Salt and a Sport Pepper. Really, go ahead see what happens. You will be one hungry non-hot dog-eating mother you know what.

With in a few days of moving to the Chicago-land area I decided that I had to experience what is known as the Chicago Dog. Now in the greater Chicago-land area there is no shortage of places to get a hot dog. Seriously, there are more hot dog “stands” then McDonalds, Burger King and Wendy’s combined. I do research before I head out. I decide to go to Fradillo’s. I pull up and park my car, almost excited about my first Chicago style dog.

I get to the counter of this huge (think ¾ of a square block) hot dog “stand”. Yes it’s a restaurant, a big giant hot dog restaurant. I order two hot dogs with everything, french fries and a coke. I do not, will not say pop. It’s soda. There I said it. It’s just another nuance that makes Chicago different. Now back to the hot dog experience. They are wrapped in wax paper and come in a brown paper bag. The bag is heavy, very heavy. What have I gotten myself into?

I sit down, peel the wax paper off the hot dog and can’t believe what I see. It’s a salad on a bun. Really. No wonder the bag weighed as much as a basketball. There is so much shit on this you can’t even see the hot dog. The raw onions are overflowing, the neon green, yes day glow green relish, the bright yellow mustard, the garden red tomato slices, a sport (hot) pepper and the Kosher dill pickle. Why is there even a hot dog on this bun? You don’t taste the hot dog. I was disappointed, there was too much going on in that bun. By the third bite almost all of the “salad” was on the wax paper. Why did I order two? What is it with hiding the meat in Chicago? (please refer to The Chicago Way Part 1)

I go back home, feeling a bit of indigestion rising in my now Chicago Style gut, wondering if we have any Pepto in the house. Unfortunately we don’t, so now I get to live with this for a day or two. How wonderful. I’m in my garage and a new neighbor strolls up and introduces himself. He’s from here, I could tell by the accent. He’s asking all sorts of generic questions and I then ask him a bout Fradillo’s. Big mistake that was, apparently it’s not Fradillo’s that has the best hot dog, it’s Portillo’s. What the fuck? Then there is Superdawg, Hot Doug’s and a plethora of other places that are much better than Fradillo’s. How can once place be better than the other when they have the exact same shit on a bun?

So over the next year or so I make a decision to try different hot dog joints. Portillos, Hot Dougs, Zippy’s and other local favorites. I went in with an open mind to each place I tried. The only differences I noticed was the atmosphere and the bun. That’s it, one place had a fresher bun than the other. They all tasted pretty much the same. The Chicago Dog, the skyline, corruption and the Cubs are on a very short list of things done consistently The Chicago Way.

The Chicago Way – Part 1, Pizza

First let me say that Chicago is a beautiful city. It is cleaner than New York. And by clean I mean less visible dirt and garbage, not less corrupt. Being a native New Yorker I have a few observations I would like to share, this is how I see Chicago.

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Chicago? Well I bet that depends who you are and where you’re from. The first thing I think about is pizza. The Chicago Deep Dish. Now this is a touchy subject between many people here in the Windy City. Why? There is debate on who invented it and what it should be called, deep dish, stuffed, pan. And of course, who has the best. Because in Chicago, everyone and I mean everyone I have met has a different answer to that question. No matter what their answer, everyone thinks that their restaurant is da best. In my pizza eating opinion, hands down, Pizzeria Uno’s takes the pie. Yes a chain restaurant that you can find in practically any city or suburb across the United States.

Pizzeria Uno is the originator of this style of pizza. But of course this is Chicago and someone else has to stake claim. Enter the Pizzeria Uno cook, Rudy Malnati. The son’s of Rudy opened their own restaurants and one of them was called Lou Malnati’s. Apparently this is the “most famous, award winning pizza” in the Chicago-land area. People swear by this pizza, they have mail order catalogs and are on some of those TV shopping channels. Da Bears serve it to the opposing teams. I had to try this pizza.

A little over a year ago we were told by a neighbor that they would be opening a restaurant close to the house and was also told that you have to have the sausage pizza, it’s the best. Now I can chow down on some pizza, it’s my favorite food. So we hurry up and wait for this place to open. The day finally gets here and we order the famous sausage deep dish, we asked for the biggest one they had, we wanted to savor the greatness.

The pizza arrives, we open the box, a tremendous amount of gooey cheese, but no sausage. Well I don’t know about you but when I ask for sausage, I expect to see sausage, be it sliced or crumbled up links. Maybe the sausage is underneath all this gooey cheese, that has to be the explanation. So I take a slice (that’s my term, not a Chicago one), examine it like a New York Times Food Critic. But I still don’t see the sausage. I smell the sausage, but it’s nowhere to be found. Finally I find it, It was covered by tomato sauce and cheese, but I could not believe what I was seeing. The first thing I think is “what fucking judge awarded this THE best pizza, they really need their heads examined”. What we had on that pizza did not resemble any sausage that you would ever put on a pizza. Instead it resembled something you would put on an Egg McMuffin. Seriously, it was flat and as round as the pizza itself and enough garlic to make a Sicilian grandmother cry. Who wants to eat a sausage patty that’s 18 inches round? Apparently da Bears opponents. Maybe if the Cubs would serve this to their opposition they would have won a World Series by now. But that’s a whole other story.

Oh and the thin crust here is like putting sauce and cheese on a water cracker, baking it, then cutting it into squares, yes squares. I don’t get the logic in cutting something round into squares. Would you cut a round cake or an apple pie into squares, probably not. So why would you cut your pizza in squares? The only answer I have is that it’s The Chicago Way.

More to come……..