Liberals Wear Argyle Too

Liberals Wear Argyle Too

Growing up in the Northeast part of the United States, specifically the New York Metropolitan area you could almost tell what someone’s political view was by the way they dressed. Now remember I did say almost. But conservatives dressed, well, conservative. Liberals dressed different, more flowing, not as buttoned up, you get the idea. To this day, most of the time, I can figure out what people’s views are by the way they dress. It’s the first thing I look at. Not the hair, not the eyes, but the clothes. I call it label profiling.

I have lived in other states, visited many different parts of the country and apparently my radar only works in the Tri-State area. Let’s take Florida for example. It’s tropical, hot and humid most of the year. You are not going to see many people wearing suits, sweaters, corduroys or flannel. What you see are shorts, lots and lots of shorts. Shirts and ties, but the tie is usually loosened and the shirt-sleeves are generally rolled up. Then there are the men who wear short sleeve dress shirts, with a tie. Typically this look will date someone or they are selling used cars or are in some other fast talking profession. Have you ever seen the younger population wear that? Not unless they were on bikes wearing a short sleeve crisp white shirt, with a black tie, a name tag, knocking on your door asking you if you would like to talk about the latter day saints. I never wanted to talk about the latter day saints, but always wanted to ask them about their matching attire. Was it required to wear to become a member? But I never asked so I’ll never know.

So I’m still in Florida, trying to figure out views through the clothing, which proved to be difficult. Enter Tommy Bahama. This was the epitome of conservative dress for Florida. Tommy Bahama? Conservative? Yes. I was at the mall roaming endlessly in the cool confines of a million square feet, when I pass a store that I have never seen before. The sign above the door was a script font in matte gold and it read Tommy Bahama. The place looked like a Bahamian beach house. I walk in, look around, watching the people who are coming into this faux hut, they are the 40+ crowd, look a bit well to do, searching the racks for conservative island wear. I look at the clothes, see the price tags, and I’m totally offended. Ugly Hawaiian shirts for $100, are they out of their fucking minds? Now instead of running out of there screaming I peruse their trouser collection, $90 for a pair of chinos? How relaxed do you have to be to buy this shit. Needless to say I was not their core audience. So now I see people wearing this expensive “Luxury Island Wear”, thinking to myself, you stupid fuck, you just spent $100 on a Conga Bongo shirt and it’s tucked into your $90 chinos. You must be conservative because a liberal would never waste that much money on something that makes you look like a reject from the Love Boat.

From Florida we make our way back up the East Coast to Richmond, Virginia. The Civil War Capital of the South. I’m a Yankee in Rebel Territory. We have never lived in the “South”, didn’t know anyone there and I looked forward to more label profiling. The South is very tricky. I couldn’t tell a conservative from a liberal, ever. The south is conservative by nature and most people that I met were Right wing Republican. Where Rush is Right, and Fox News is Fair and Balanced. Was I completely out of my element, absolutely. Did I get along with people from the South, surprisingly yes. Now not everyone I met wasn’t a die hard conservative, but all seemed to lean a bit to the right. Which is OK by me, I’m just more concerned about what they’re wearing. And they were wearing all sorts of frocks. T-shirts, jeans, work boots, ropers, sneakers, fishnets, sundresses, oxfords, chinos, suits, dresses and everything else you could imagine, but none of them screamed conservative or liberal. I gave up label profiling in the South. So I assumed and yes, I know what assuming does, everyone was conservative unless they stated otherwise. Luckily, I did not see much Tommy Bahama, so that made the South a bit more pleasurable.

Now if one was to label profile me, you would think I’m conservative. My wardrobe consists of Ralph Lauren, Ralph Lauren and Ralph Lauren. I do have some non-Ralph clothing, but for me it’s Polo all the way. I will be a preppy for life, but does that make me a conservative, no. It depends on how you “wear” the clothes. I rarely tuck in my shirts, my sleeves are almost always rolled up and 80% of the time I will have a baseball hat on (yes, I own several Polo hats too). I love argyle, socks and sweater vests in particular. But I’m liberal, now I’m not the bleeding heart version, but I don’t have many contemporary conservative views. If you wanna marry the same sex, go right ahead. You want to fuck a goat, go ahead, just go do it in private (I’m sure if Anne Coulter read this her head would be spinning right now.) The world will not end and we won’t be consumed by fire and brimstone. Bill Maher and John Stewart make sense to me, they are logical and that’s what we need in this illogical world. Liberals do wear Argyle too.